The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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