Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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