i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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