i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
