Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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