We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
