Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
