Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
