to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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