I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
