how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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