Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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