i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The beer is more important than you right now.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Is it penis luge time yet?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
