did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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