11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
