well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
