Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
