Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
