Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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