soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
