Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
be right there i have to get my cape
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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