You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
