I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I can't turn off my feet"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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