I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
