2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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