You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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