ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
