she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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