Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
sex in a hospital.. check
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
