I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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