Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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