Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
