i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
