A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize