bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize