We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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