i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
