I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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