sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
