pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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