Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
