You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
she told me i tasted like america
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize