I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
