Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
