no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
