he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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