Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
