ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Randomize
