how can u be prego again
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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