i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
