i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I can't put those talents on a resume
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
