i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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