I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Pants are for mortals
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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