There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
