we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
There's even glitter on my cock...
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