I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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