The maid of honor just puked.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize