I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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