TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
