We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
