I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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