I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Text me some of your sweat
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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