I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
