Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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