You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
