I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
porn star boner night. come get it.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
