i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
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