We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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