I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
