So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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