im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
