I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
