I puked a lego.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
