the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
