Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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